:) today i feel so incredibly grateful for the many blessings in my life...i find it amazing how these blessings are all a matter of my persception and it is up to me to see any situation , person,or thing as such ..i found myself today at a inipi -a native american sweat lodge ceremony
(of the lakota tradition) and it was amazing..it was a open community sweat and 30 people sardine packed into the little lodge..literally we all had to be little balls of light to fit in..definately no room without touching bumping or nudging your fellow neighbors..it was truely a gift from spirit..and it stretched my soul in vast and wonderful ways to endure the seeming 'struggle'..each round
-we did 4-we sang traditional songs of blessings and offered prayer to and for all our relations..now this is only been my second experience in a sweat lodge the first being a small 8 member all woman group..so this one was a little different protocal wise..it was so beautiful to really be forced to drop the mind and delve deeply into my heartspace..for truely that was where i found solise from the ever increasing heatwaves that were radiating throughout the space.. i became one with all that surrounded me, including the many frantic and uncomfortable beings around me going through similar egoic deaths and rebirths, the intense darkness of the space, the all pervasive steaminess and heat from the grandfather and grandmother stones..it was all me and by placing myself in such an extreme environment really awakened my spirit to my own power and co-creative ablity to frame my persceptions..for easily i could have believed my mind screaming at me that it was way too hot, that i should be concerned my heart and breath were racing far faster than i would deem healthy..that i couldn't move or change my position without overturning the applecart..that i would have to share my intimate prayers to great spirit/mother/father/god source -gulp- out loud..gosh it was great work! not only was every last detail so impeccably designed to get me out of my little self and connect with my higher one..it was infused with divine unconditional love for all..a deep bond of the sacred was formed from the morphogenic field each of us were participating in..i kept experiencing greater waves of love and compassion for all that were open to this firey way towards greater clarity and light..i found myself reaching out and gently touching reassuring and sending healing to each soul as they struggled with their birthing processes..for i was seeing that it was really just a different aspect of me in them...soon we all became as one unit working within our own shadows yet co-evolving and releasing all that was no longer serving us in those states..the drum and loud singing wove a tapestry of support and consistant peace through out the experience that helped to remind one to come back to ones own breath and heartbeat..which was pounding throughout every inch of my body as more and more stone people were added to the firepit..it all worked marvelously..not only was i fully refreshed and energized by the end of the experience my physical body went through some dramatic shifts and profound cleansing via the sweat..you definately could have rung me out like a wet sponge..and really that is a super example of the underlieing intent of sweating..purifying body mind and spirit can be a slippery slope to travel at times without a guide for at least in my experience it is so easy to fool yourself into complacent patterns that may seem like spiritual growth or detox work yet you may just be spinning your wheels caught in an eddie of the flow of life, another box or concept to lable and define the infinate spirit we are ..ah the ego loves that because then there is all this unfolding of drama and story that further bulsters its usurpshun of your personal power as a god being ..well getting back to the sweaty matter this process really is so ingeniusly orchastrated to pin the ego up against its walls and bring the light of consciousness in as your truth..or not it really was my choice..the bodys level of comfort or lack of it propeled me into a state of humble surrender where acceptance and allowance of what was became top priority..no more mental tapes of the outside world obligations just me. raw exposed and free to let go..or ridgedly and fiercly hold on as the wave pulled me through..again my choice..it was so simple and deeply cosmicly halarious because really i can do this at any time i choose ..the sweat lodge is just a mirror one holds up to see into the far corners.. yep , we all know those corners the ones were the song and dance of the ego is desperately trying to distract you from getting to..sure i'll work on that later type deal..yet that too is a teacher and really all of life is the mirror.. and the funny part to me was that sometimes i have to find the most dramatic and soul shaking way of remembering this fact that every moment is my innerself being mirrored back to me exteriorly..my perceptions and subsequent emotional responses only color my world view to what is..and my ultimate acceptance and willingness to see it all- the seemingly good /bad light /dark- you name it- duality consciousness driven reality for what it is= a choice..+ a blessed choice that i am grateful for having and forgetting and remembering over and over and over again because here it is again- here i am in the now, and here i am in the now , and...well one can get the idea fairly quickly that all things are in the dance of life ..oh and how i love love love dancing..it is so extatic and joyful and spontanious..its just when i get to creating this false idea/belief/perception that past / future are serious concrete and suppose to be a certian way or i try to make it all seem rational--in comparison to what actually?-that i suffer.. so really what i was seeing was when i was choosing to step out of the now moment into either the future 'my god how long are we going to be in here?!' or the past 'i've been in here so long i'm not sure i can stand another moment',
i was creating suffering-and then i was buying into and amplifing my suffering over my suffering..so i just decided that in one flat moment to stop it because it was insane and not productive or growth oriented and i stopped suffering . .. i quieted my mind and deeply focused upon my heart space and it was so beautiful and loving to be there that everything else was just happening..flowing in and out of my awareness and i was assigning it no greater meaning other than yes here it is again sensation..experience..and then again another one..layering upon eachother..melding into one continuious flow of grace empowerment and healing..and then it was over , time had stood still and had evaporated for me ..i felt fresh and alive as i made my exit and i really feel it was because i truely openened to life as it is ..this process had brought up for me deep levels of self acceptance issues that were able to be seen heard felt and ultimately healed, that in the instant i reclaimed my power to decide for myself how i was going to have create and manage my experience the pain dissolved into bliss consciousness..the air was so crisp the sky so blue the wind , awe and the wind was definately an intimate lover as i sat outside the lodge drip drying ..oh and the cold water hose that i showered off -heaven sent - i have never felt a deeper more loving bond with cold water than i did in that moment..it was god showering me over me and it was exquisite!

many transitions and shifting are alining all with the highest good and intention for all in my life lately...this however has come in the form of a large cup of resposibliTEA that i was previously turning a blind eye too...ahh yes i remember now that which we resist; persists...face, embrace, and erase all that is no longer serving my evolving whole/holiness...i've been buzzing on the law of attraction ; that which we think about ,comes about ...and how we truely are the co-creative power bringing in all our experiences and mirrors...stalking the root of the matter i kept tripping over in the mind led me to pursue a 10 day silent meditation course called 'Vipassana' the art of observing the truth of what is in the moment : ones body sensations and breath ...wow!! although one of the most challanging experiences of my life i feel it was also the most profoundly healing things i have ever done for myself or really what i mean is my soul because it was so much about letting go of the ego and all the mental tapes and being with what naturally wanted to arise...i feel so blessed by now having this technique to help in the dissolving of the false self and  to witness the  'me story' i've been perpetuating with a greater clarity for where i have been blindly repeating habitual unneeded time wasting silliness...it has definately helped me get in touch with a dimmer switch to the mental chatter...i am so down for sacred silence!!!! upon returning home i went into a 9 day intestinal cleanse that yeilded eye opening results of things i was so happy to have out instead of in! wheew, i'll spare you the documented detailed photos yet let me say all be it my first cleanse ever there was some scary looking organesque ropes of dis-ease i'm glad to be rid of...i feel so much lighter and clearer...full of energy and more focused on moving in an upward spiral of my dreams and heart desires...i see myself on the transitional path of ever greater heights to health and vitality...i just finished this awsome book by leonard orr called 'breaking the death habit: the science of everlasting life'...and it was quite illuminating and affirming to the raw foods trail i'm hiking on...every day is getting better and better!  I went to this amazing workshop last nite as well that talked about discovering your PBA or pre-birth agreement and how to actualize that in your life...we connected a lot of dots through eastern and western astrology, mayan calander readings, tarot and the like ...super awsome how esotaric wisdom traditions can still be such powerful fingers pointing at the moon for any being ready , open and definately hoppin into in the transmutative caldron of change...i honed in on..."with clear, trusting and focused intent i am a channel for the healing creative energies of the universe to manifest holistic hands on art forms that engage the body mind and spirit in the sacred present now moment, in the in the service to the all/oneness."  practically speaking i'm doing this through  massage /bodywok,  meditative art, and  love based culinary creations of raw bliss..

namaste dear ones...the possiblities are endless and the rabbit hole seemingly goes ever deeper...here we are almost the closing of the year 2007! has anyone else experienced this huge push in terms of time speeding up ?  the days and weeks are just pouring by and energeticly supercharging all in their wake...i have discovered that in order to really heal myself i have to take my power back from all sources that i have in most cases unconsciously given it over to...like the concept of convienence over the right way to do the thing ei fast food /junk food over live bio availible sources like fruits and veggies...i have jumped into a new eating habit that has damaticly changed my body mind and spirit for the better ... the raw foods diet is truely the firely path towards self liberation...i feel so blessed to have landed in a community full of supportive beings that honor my path of healing...for me it all came down to the question of what was i fueling my intentions with and what were my results ...this idea of intent had been swimming around in my brain fog for a few years and has really been powerfully supercharged as my body detoxs from my previous S.A.D. diet (standard american diet )as an evolving being i trust that  each new growth edge i encounter will open up my heart space that much more allowing my light to freely shine forth unabbashedly for all to share in...much love and light and may we all ride the comming cosmic waves of change with grace and dignatly holding our hearts open wide and our common vision of peace at the forfront of our thoughts.